This is a story that is about a year old.
I get invited to Greg Overfield’s lakehouse where there is an island and a boat and beer and fun. We drive about an hour to Old Lyme Connecticut and when we arrive we go out on the boat and blah blah blah. Fast forward to about 8 oclock at night when we load his boat up with about four 30’s , a 12 of corona, hot dog buns and cigarettes. We get to the island in about 3 trips ( there is 4 people per trip). When we are all finally on the island we realize it is cold. We tell Matt Parry to make us a fire. Hes a fucking boy scout, he should have that shit on lock right? WRONG. Takes the dude like 45 minutes to make a fire. Anyways, in the meantime, we’ve all started drinking. The night is a year ago and I cant remember it in a logical linear path so instead. Heres random events from the night.
We divide the island into 2 parts, the Beef Zone and the No Beef Zone. These divisions are made because Matt Parry and David start arguing and fighting. I walk in between them and say “no beef dude, don’t bring beef to the island” People then all pick sides and either say thigns like “beef free or no beef” or they scream “ALL BEEF ALL THE TIME. USDA GRADE A BEEF’. The no beef zone is a tarp on the ground where 4 or 5 of us sit and talk quietly about life and stare at the stairs. When we move, if we touch another dude we say no homo and stupid bro shit like that. Its fun. We are all drunk. The beef zone on the other hand are screaming, getting naked, skinny dipping, wrestling and being belligerent. I am extremely depressed this night. I waned from the fire to the tarp and back many times. I’m hunched over like Quasimodo with a blanket on my back and a cigarette in my lips. Put my feet in the fire because it feels good to hurt them. Total emo shit. But whatever. Shit happens, and girls suck.
Someone drinks matts coronas, he is ANGRY. ANGRY PARRY IS ANGRY. We laugh at him and walk away.
Dana (beef zone) hits on her ex Matt Decola (No beef zone) and we collectively tell her to choke on a dick.
Dana (beef zone) goes skinny dipping with my best friend jake. They say they didn’t have sex, but I find a red thong on the boat in the morning….believe what you may.
Dana and Matt Parry wrestle. Half naked.
Greg Overfield passes out early and we roll him to the corner of the island.
Someone goes out for a cigarette run at about 2 am. It takes them forever to get back.
I smoke an entire pack of American spirits in about 2 hours.
Me and jake finish a 30 and a half.
No one brought blankets so all 9 or 10 of us that are sill awake pile into matts tent and we all pass out somewhat belabored. Jake spills a beer under the tent and we are all cold all night. Fuck you Jake. Fuck you. I know youre reading this. That shit was cold.
In the morning jake looks like he is dead. He barely moves and we carry him to the boat. Matt parry is still asleep and someone takes his tent down and leaves it on him. Its hilarious although eh doesn’t think so. He roid rages and we laugh.
Me and greg go out for bacon egg and cheeses. We are supposed to come right back and give everyone theres but we decide to just eat ours there. It is totally worth the angry faces that greet us when we get back.
I drive home with matt decola and jake. Me and jake are dead. Matt goes to a skatepark and bikes for a bit. I take one look at the park and think that it’s a better idea if I just go back to sleep in his trunk so I do.
All in all the night was amazing. Despite being cold. Drunk, depressed, hungover and half dead.
10 years ago