It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon, and I'm laying in bed because i got home at about 4:30 am and when i first woke up at 10 i was hungover as shit so I went back to sleep. Here was my night last night.
Last night I went to the David Lachapelle exhibition over in the Chelsea section of Manhattan. After dealing with the crowds for a while and looking at his art, me and my friend Jake and his GF heather are standing out side with some other friends, and one of us basically blurts out,
"ok guys, its almost 8 o'clock and I'm sober. This blows. Lets get trashed"
So we start the walk back to the subway and subsequently, their apartment. When we arrive I promptly fall to the floor and begin eating chicken wings, that I bought on the way, and drinking a 40 oz. of Balentine.
If You've never had Balentine, It comes in a green bottle and it tastes like shit. however for some reason, when there is no Olde English I find my self reaching for the green bottle.
So about an hour or so later we decide to head to brooklyn. We jump on the L train and walk over to our friends apartment. We arrive and begin listening to a mix he made when he was 13. It had blink-182, cake and other stuff, but we all begin screaming the lyrics to the blink-182. All you hipsters and dickheads thinking its cool to hate blink-182, curl up in a ball and die. They're awesome.
So here I havent drank in about 2 hours so I convince people to head upstairs where another friend of ours in having a moving out party. The 5 of us trek up stairs and go into an apartment on the 5th floor.
When we enter, there are about 30-45 kids dancing to techno (badly), drinking, smoking and dicking around. I instantly realize there is not one girl in there I would sleep with. Unless i was drunk. So i crack the seal on my 2nd 40. I break out my portable breathalyzer and i am at a .03. OK. good. I climb a ladder that goes up to a 2nd floor type loft, and sit at the top and watch the freaks dance to techno. Its at this point that i see a girl dressed in a red and white dress that is reminiscint of alice in wonderland. She is staring at a piece of paper on the floor, and breaking a glowstick and dropping the glow shit on the paper. She stops and begins to look around the floor for something. It is quite possibly the most entertaining thing in the world. she looks soo high that i wonder what she is on and where i can get some.
At this point I'd love to tell you what happened but im a bit fuzzy so I'll do my best.
There is a big time gap (maybe an hour) between that and me finishing my 2nd 40 breathalyzing myself, and seeing that im .05. WTF this breathalyzer is broken. it has to be. my friend jake taps me on the shoulder and says
"dude, you wanna go grab another 40 with me?'
So we head out. the corner store is abotu 100 feet away. How we manage to do what happens next, i will never know.
So we walk in and i grab an 24 of olde english and the white powdered donuts for some reason. He grabs a 40 of colt 45, we pay, we walk away. When we are about 10 feet from the store, we hear,
"Hey! Hey! Come here!"
I think. Awesome. Gonna get mugged. this is sweet, i begin to reach into my pocket for the brass knuckles that magically ended up there after leaving jakes apartment. Instead I reach into my bag and grab my donettes. If I'm getting mugged, I want to have a full stomach. It is at this point, as my hands are pulling the cellophane from those sweet confectionary treats, that i hear WHOOP WHOOP (thats the sound of the police) and see blue and red lights flash. The men that had been calling us were officers of the law, not muggers.
So we walk over to the car, and they immedietly single out jake.
"What you got there? I just saw you open that thing up and drink from it"
If you're reading this blog, you probably know the deal, ID, address, pour out his 40, etc. They write him a ticket, but worst of all, he loses his 40 oz.
Once again memory lapse.
NExt thing i remember im back in the apartment, and 24 oz is empty. At some point jake and his GF had told me they had left, so i now knew no one at this party. I sat in a corner and drank alone. At some point i distinctly remember standing up with no shirt on, and walking around screaming
"I NEED A LIGHTER AND A DRINK. I LOST MY LIGHTER AND DRANK MY DRINK"
Some find this hilarious. Some do not. Either way, i end up with a lit cigarette and a drink. Someone felt it neccesary to give me a 40. WTF? who does that? Thats the most charitable thing ever. I breathalyze myself and it reads .10 . I think it finaly may be working because i certainly feel grateful that i dont have a car here. I go back to my corner and drink more.
Nothing interesting in happening, take a take out a garbage bag for the apartment owner. And step out side. Breathalyzer? .15 . Ok sweet. i can deal with that. So im standing out side smoking a cigarette with no shirt on because it was hot as balls in that house, and this blond girl from parsons or pratt or some annoying ass fashion/arts school asks me about my piercings
'what do you think about girls with there lips pierced"
I want to be grotesque and say "labia piercings arent for me...im a clit hood kinda guy" but i am not drunk enough so instead i say
"i like piercings."
We are instantly friends. I am also sure that I hooked up with that girl, she'd have to constantly be sucking my dick because her voice and mind make me what to throw myself onto the FDR expressway.
She wants to take a cab back to manhatten. Me and 4 other people tell her shes retarded and we walk to the subway.
I remember buying a metro card. and then nothing until this morning. Didn't black out just don't remember it.
Total drinks: two 40 oz, one 24 oz
Drunkness: 7.5 out of 10
Food: Donettes. pizza. ramen.
10 years ago