Monday, September 22, 2008

The Gayboorhood.

Last night I was with Cute Girl and we got a call from my friend Richie aka Ebony Princess 2008. He's the west village for the night so i rush over with cute girl in tow to meet him.

After about an hour, i track him down and we go to a famous gay bar in the west village. The bartended cards me and cute girl so we can't drink. damn. Oh well its Dykes on Mics night so its some lesbian comedy. Jackie Jones was hillarious. shes was total socal skater-punk girl-dyke. She started hitting on Cute Girl and singing "i want you to want me" to her. My friend richie and his friend bobby are convinced that Cute Girl is the most beautiful thing ever. When we go outside for a cigarette. we run into the comic again and then a very drunk lesbian who hits on her again. I get labeled the quiet one. Great.

We then walk to a bar called pieces. On the way, Bobby sticks his head over a fence and yells at several men in it, "YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME COKE?" a guy starts waving us over but luckily me and richie push bobby down the street. We get to pieces and they card us again. DAMNIT. i am bound to not drink tonight. On our way back to find ANOTHER bar where i can drink, richie and bobby begin to pose in a little enclave by a door and window and a little bench type thing. After a few minutes, the curtain is pulled back and we hear "GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WINDOW YOU IDIOT!" For some reason this is hilarious and all 4 of us spend a few minutes dieing of laughing. bobby and richie were legit on the ground rolling around.

So we finally recover and find a bar, richie promptly orders 4 shots of jager. once they are being poured, cute girl makes it known that she does not want to drink after the previous nights, festivities. So i say no worries and i make it known that i like jager. i do my shot and her shot and order a jager bomb. as soon as the shot his the redbull, i drink it all down. the bartender is in awe. She can tell i am not 21 and i suspect she did not expect me to know how to do a jagerbomb or do it fast.

At this point i see a juke box. i borrow a dollar and put on elliot smith. i am an emo kid. Fuck you. I like it when im drinking. Cute girl did too. Richie orders me a corona and right after bobby who is really really trashed, passes me his apple-tini. Fucking fruity drinks. So i drink his martini and finish my corona in time to look over and see bobby pulling richies face towards his. Richie jumps up and screams "OH MY GOD I JUST KISSED BOBBY! AHHHH" and starts spitting on the floor. The two porr bartenders are laughing and putting their hands over their face. At this point, bobby is humping hte floor in the doorway and richie is spitting.

We leave the bar and we see a street cafe. bobby decides he must talk to the people there. I decide its not a good idea and pull him away. There is a big block of cardboard ahead thats about 4 feet tall. Bobby and richie are up there posing in about 2 seconds. After the couture photo shoot on the trash.

Memory lapse. I have to turn to my right and ask cute girl what we did next. she isnt sure either. Oh well.

The next thing i remember, we are at a pizza place, after getting kicked out of a piano bar. I leave bobby with cute girl figuring she can handle him, while me and richie find a liqour store. We get side tracked.

"Lets get something pierced!" says richie!

I agree this is a FABULOUS idea. so we go in. It's 25$ for a tongue pierced, so guess what richie gets pierced. Only after assuring the man that he is completely sober and has had but one drink, does he pierce it though.

We go back to the pizza parlor but dont see bobby or cute girl. Oh no. Luckily they are outside smoking a cigarette. I save cute girl and richie shows bobby his tongue. Bobby says he wants his too now. We try to tell him that he cant but he wont listen. it takes all our patience to keep him walking away from the parlor. (If youre reading this bobby, dont worry, we've all been there. You and richie are still our favorites!"

After this we walk back to the dorms, with bobby and richie bickering and me laughing and cute girl being silent again. Bobby stops to pee twice and richie kicks a duane reades door.

I wake up in the morning after a good night at 11. Oops missed class. Oh well. I dont care and niether does Cute Girl. Good.

Richi and bobby on cardboard.

Richie on the floor.

Drinks: 3 shots of jager, an appletini, a corona (5)
Drunkess: 2 out of 10
Food: Let's just say i should eat more.

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