Sunday, September 21, 2008

Hipsters Birthday, throw up and me with a vag

Alright. So. fucking hipsters. again. I've grown to love my new hipsters. When i was there the other day they invited us back for a girls birthday party. I enjoy birthday parties.

At about 10 oclock i call cute girl and me her and alicia head over to my buddy jakes apartment. Cute girl is mad at me. i dont know why. We get to jakes apartment and his gf is laying in bed half asleep and he is at the computer. i lay down on his filthy floor after putting a record on and we basically whisper because were all beat. At about 10:45 we head to the Hipster's house.

We we arrive we can hear the music from 2 floors down. I walk in first and pour myself a drink.

If i think hard i could tell you what happened next but the next important event is me sitting on a furry chair, drinking my 3rd drink. By this time we ran out of sprite so it was a half full glass of vodka. Tasty.

Now i should follow this with the fact that vodka and me are not friends. Some people have tequila problems...some whiskey...I have vodka.

So random hipster music is playing. MIA and gay 70 music, MGMT or whatever.

I get a call from a kid Dave Tassey. He has a huge fro and a huge beard that is like his head hair on his chin and its amazing. hes outside. I let him up and i instantly know tonight will be good.

I pour him a drink and top off mine (shot number 7 or 8).

After a while we realize the vodka is empty and me tassey and cute girl go to get more beer. The whole way there, Cute Girl is being really mean. REALLY MEAN. And im loving it. Im hoping shes not actually mad at me, but also hoping that she keeps acting like it because its the hottest thing i have seen in a looong time.

I should also tell you some other things about me. Im not happy unless im bleeding. My back had better be so scratch that i cant shower with my back to the water, i want to be choked and all that. Shes doing the non-physical version of this. She is a complete bitch and i love it.

Anyways, we go to one bodega and the guy cards tassey. Tassey hands him his ID that says tassey is 20. The man looks at the idea. scratches his head and looks at the wall. ID. Wall. ID. Wall.
"you have 20 years"
"it says 21 right here"

So we trek to another bodega and succesfully purchase my 2nds favorite beer. Red Stripe. We make it back to the apartment and Cute Girl still wont tell me why or even if she is mad at me.

I see an empty spot in the window so i go sit over there because its hot as underboob, or balls or hell or whatever you want to say. there are 2 people i know and i dont. I introduce myself to the girl i dont know. Her name is madeline. she makes fun of me for being 19. i guess her age at 23. she says 24, but since she spent a year in rehab and a few years wasted on drugs, she has decided shes 21. After she tells me this, she does a line of coke. Attractive.

Madeline and this guy Xavier are convinced i am gay. I am not. Madeline says too bad because she only sleeps with gay guys. I say that thats too bad. im not gay. She is attractive but not for me. At the point where she begins rubbing my leg and trying to hold my hand, Cute Girl comes over and sits where the coke just was. She takes my beer out of my hand and i ask why she is mad. She will not tell me. This is becoming a trend. I go on the balcony to pee and when i get back. 24/21 year old madeline is gone. Thank god.

Cute Girl tells me she is heading back to the dorm. She does not look well. Having brought 4 other people who know no one at this party, i am oddly not reluctant to offer what i offer.

"do you want me to walk you back"
"ehhh...dont worry about it. its fine"
"Ok. lets go"

I say a few short good byes and assure everyone i will be back. i just need to walk her about 12 streets and 4 or 5 avenues. only about an hour and a half drunken walk there and back.

So as to not embarrass Cute Girl, i will just say that she was not feeling very well and after holding her hair and lifting her from the sidewalk, i decide she cannot go to the dorms. i knew a kid who got kicked out of housing first week of school for coming home puking.

I call my buddy jake and ask him a huge favor. I think the conversation goes something like this.

"Dude jake. shes shot. i need your guest bed."
"No fucking problem. we've all been there. if theres a mess in my hall, clean it a little, i dont want to piss off the neighboors."

I convince Cute Girl that we have to leave and go to jakes. she reluctantly comes and i get jakes keys and walk to his apartment. We only have to stop at about 2 more corners to puke a little more on her arms, legs and my shoes. Some how i am not disgusted and all i can do it smile and run her back.

I get her into his guest bed in his tiny studio apartment. i sit her down, clean her up, get her water, take of her shoes and give her my shirt as a pillow. i do not want to cause jake and his GF any more dirty things in their apartment.

The next 3 hours of this story are not important to anyone but me. I dont think cute girl remembers or would even care if she did, so ill skip it. However i will say this, contrary to hygiene, personal dignity and normal logic. I totally kiss this girl not even 15 mintues after she threw up. This is not good. Not a good sign at all.

After listening to The chronic and either/or (elliot smith) a few times. she is just falling asleep and i get a call from alicia saying they are on their way back. i finish up my cigarette and put the water glass in the sink. I take off my sweatshirt and put it over her legs because i know jake will put the air conditioning on and its fucking cold already.

By this time they are up in the apartment and i shake jakes hand, assure him i will be back by 9 am to retrieve cute girl and me and alicia walk back to my dorm. As soon as we get back, we both fall asleep.

I awake at 6 oclock (about 2 hours after falling asleep) and by 7 i havent fallen asleep again, so i get up, get dressed, roll a cigarette and walk to pick her up. Thats pretty much it. i get her, we walk back. she thanks me and i of course say dont worry about it even though walking though midtown east at 8 oclock am with 2 hours of sleep and still drunk, is the last thing i want to be doing.

Total Drinks: about 12 total (7 or 8 shots of vodka a 24 of red stripe and another can of micro brewery hipster beer.
Drunkness: 6.5/10
Food: Pizza 30 minutes before i leave my dorm and a bagel at like 3pm.

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